Stumbling Toward Enlightenment

I feel compelled to write because that's what I do when I'm anxious. And then I go to the gym and I sweat it out. My mind, like so many others, has been plagued with thoughts of the Newtown shootings. And while we try to make sense of the perfect storm that created this mess of a kid who would do such a thing, there are so many factors that I'm sure we'll be debating them for months or even years to come. But one thing I'm sure of--we live in a very, very angry world. There is anger everywhere--I encounter it on a daily basis. There is the lady who threw a fit the other day in my local post office because the line wasn't moving fast enough--complete with calling someone a "queer ass"--all the while wearing a Christmas sweater . A Christmas sweater, for goodness sake!!! And I'm sad to say that I've seen her type all over town. (yes, I'm about to stereotype...) Middle-aged White Christian women tearing down the street in their SUVs, latt...

I keep seeing these car stickers and their message irks me a bit. Perhaps you've never seen it, but it refers to a Christian-themed brand called "Not of this World". It is a Christian idea, this detached-from-the-world-living-in-God's-kingdom stuff. As a cradle Catholic, I completely disagree with this logic. Are we truly called to live our lives with our head in the clouds, proclaiming to others that our hearts and minds are in the heavens, all the while (let's be honest) partaking in all the human drama and emotions that define our lives? Nope. Is the point of life truly to detach oneself, in a ironically Buddhist sense, from the world that God has placed us in? Again, nope. In my opinion (this is my blog, after all), we should never seek to remove ourselves from our own human lives, but occupy them, touch others' lives, fully engage in the life that God gave us. What is the good in pretending like you're "not of this world," other than t...

Six months ago, I found a lump in my breast. I'm a big advocate of regularly feeling yourself up, because I've walked the breast cancer walk with my mom (not the fundraiser, the real thing) and I'm determined that my kids won't have to go through what I went through with her. So while it is empowering for me to regularly check myself for lumps, it takes some major courage to monitor that aspect of my health. Hands trembling, I do it anyway. That night I hadn't expected to find anything, as a week before I had seen my doctor for my annual checkup and breast exam. So when I found this lump--this hard, marble shaped mass just below the skin, I freaked. I tried hard not to ask Dr.Google his advice, and I tried so hard not to compare myself to my mom. I'm 35 years old--I never smoked (like she did for 14 years), I breastfed my two kids for a year and a half each because I've heard it lowers your risk for breast cancer, and I eat my 5 fruits and veggies a day....

Since my school plans have changed, I've been craving a new project. After indulging in a day out with girlfriends (a rare treat!), feasting our eyes on fabric and handcrafted goodies, I've got the crafting bug again. Given my thwarted fall plans, the timing could not have been better. I've had my eye on a new etsy-competitor ( http://www.artfire.com/ ) and am busy creating new inventory to start selling again. Since everything I posted on etsy sold, I'm hopeful that my new sewing projects will do just as well. So enough blahblahblah, here's a sample of what I've been working on: The Inspiration Stash: My first cuts: Coming together... The final product, along with a few others: More handtowels coming down the pipeline!: And more...

It is the beginning of Spring and many folks have either started new resolutions for Lent or have abandoned those they began for New Years. While I haven't made any New Year's resolutions, I do participate in Lent and have decided to make this year's Lenten sacrifice (?) a giving up of my daily online news addiction. Truth be told, it really only included homicides, child abuse trials and middle eastern violence/politics). I'm a crime news junkie--and not one of those I-need-to-keep-up-with-what-is-going-on-in-the-world-so-that-I-can-feel-somewhat-socially-responsible, but an addicted to murder trials and the newest whooping cough tragedies type. It wasn't helping me develop as a person and it certainly wasn't helping me sleep at night. The first few days were tough--my iPod is bookmarked and after reading my morning emails, my first impulse is to check the big mainstream headlines, then onto the independent news outlets. I could easily spend an hour or two sc...

I attended a women's retreat at a Franciscan retreat center when my youngest was just a few months old, toting him along with me and sharing a room with a friend of mine who had also just had a baby. I remember those early days with my son, staring at his tiny new face, marveling at his fingers, his toes, his wispy dark hair and feeling an overwhelming sense of mama-bear love. It's the love of fabric softener commercials, Hallmark specials, baby announcements and the first buds of spring. But there are other kinds of love, of devotion, of moments that you find yourself willing to do whatever it takes for another person. A tougher, more raw kind of love. A love that has grown strong, shredded, raspy with time and pain. That weekend at the women's retreat we listened to a story about a woman caring for her alcoholic husband, and one thing the speaker said really hit me. She said, Sometimes, this is what love looks like . It hit me because I know what it's like to love ...

Hear me out. I'm 35 now, but I already know what I'm getting myself for my big 40th birthday: a BRCA test. Usually covered by insurance if you have a strong history of breast cancer in your family, it is a blood test that will tell you your likelihood of developing breast or ovarian cancer. More info can be found here: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/Risk/BRCA After testing, they send you to a genetic counselor, who advises you of your options once your test results are in. If my test were to come back with no BRCA1 or BRCA2 mutation I would let it be, and continue to keep up on all of my healthy habits as its still no guarantee that I'm not at risk. If it were to come back positive for the mutation, I'm preparing myself for a prophylactic mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. Breasts seem to be a pain in the ass these days for a lot of women, and I'm prepared to replace them with some fakies. The good news is that my mom is the only one in the famil...