Stumbling Toward Enlightenment

A few years ago, I started a gratitude journal. Amid all of the painful crazy that was my mom's last few years, I needed a way to reconnect, to ground myself, to not lose sight of those things that are my reason for being, my saving grace. A couple of friends of mine had started similar journals, and I thought it would be a good thing for me. In the quiet of the season, as the leaves make their way to the ground, and the harvest fruits ripen, I'm taking a moment to remind myself of those things that matter most. A kick-ass husband, who is my rock when times are rough, my best friend to celebrate with when times are joyful. He is a compassionate, warm human being who always does his best for others. My amazing, curious, affectionate son. He has made me infinitely more patient, more wise, more mama bear than I ever could have envisioned for myself. My family. We've walked many miles together and I have never been more grateful for the fact that I was born into this fam

After a long, torturous summer of glaring light and searing heat, this morning I awoke to soft gray skies and a cool ocean breeze. My first waking thought was 'Ahhhhhh.....' Not many people suffer from Summer S.A.D., and it seems that most of the world is made up of Summer People. You know the ones--they thrive in the heat like lizards, fantasize about the summer all year long, and every vacation involves a beach. I wish I could join the club, but my idea of hell is being stuck in the unrelenting sun all year long. I still can't believe that I was born and raised in California. For me, the sun is like a radio right next to my ear, loudest during the summer months, and annoying as hell. I just.want.someone.to.turn.it.OFF. So it is finally, blessedly, September, and although it is not yet technically Autumn, I sense a change in the atmosphere. The air has finally cooled, and the angle of the sun is a tad less aggressive. I can finally breathe, and concentrate, and lift my he

Participated yesterday in the Susan B. Komen Walk for the Cure to cheer on Sarah, who is walking the entire 3 days for my mom. It happened to fall on the two year anniversary of my mom's passing, and needless to say, it was a very emotional day for me. I think I went through all seven steps of grief and back again in one day, and came home and slept for twelve hours, only waking up to hold my son. My mom was not the type of person to put herself out there and talk about her experience, so I'm doing it for her. She would never say so, but she was the most selfless, warm, unconditionally loving person that I've ever known. Her heart went out to everyone, she trusted that the world was a good place, and she prayed constantly for others, even when she should have been praying for herself. She suffered through chemo, lost her sense of smell and taste, was poked and prodded every week for five years and never complained. She never reprimanded anyone, even when they deserved it.

I've miraculously found the time to start a blog. The baby and daddy are out for the evening, the house is finally clean, the sun is going down and I'm slowly exhaling. I haven't journaled in over a year and I miss it. I spent my entire childhood and young adulthood journaling and only just stopped, sometime after my mom passed away. I'm hoping to start on a clean slate, rave about my favorite sites, rant about my least favorite, and maybe even get some feedback. I just wish I had a glass of chilled white wine right now...