Holding it down, 2020 style.

 Those of you who tend to be caregiver types, you know what I mean. Maybe you feel that if you don't keep the world spinning, it will stop. Or if you let go for too long, it will spin out of control. For those of us who have always been the "hold down the fort" type of people, I can tell you that none of that is true. You can still be a caregiver to a loved one and take care of yourself. You can (and you must) fill your own cup before you can fill someone else's. Sometimes this means leaning on your people, and if this doesn't come naturally to you, practice. Because as the saying goes, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

As tough as this year has been, learning how to let go and ask my tribe for help has helped me learn how to let myself be loved. If I had allowed myself this same breadth of spirit and generosity with myself while I was caring all those years for my mom and my brother, I may not have harbored so much trauma. But as screwy as 2020 has been, it has been my best year in a very backwards kind of way. It forced me to come to terms with trauma, with self doubt, with my reluctance to ask for help. With that growth, I can now help carry another loved one through a season of pain, and dig deeper to find that core of empathy and strength that I need to hold it down again.