I can't believe how long it's been since last I wrote. Six months, a new baby, and a multitude of computer issues later, here I am!
The holidays are upon us and I find myself burrowing into a new season, my favorite. What I'm realizing much more than in years past is how much my mom passed on to me. I never really saw it before, but I really sense her spirit when I bake for my loved ones, put out the holiday decorations that my son so enjoys, even just doing the laundry--it is all an act of love. I see that now. Realizing that fact is what got me through those early days of grief, and instead of dreading and avoiding the holidays, I chose to embrace them and throw myself totally into them. Call it sublimation, or redirecting of energy or whatever, it works.
As a mother, I'm seeing now for the first time how much of my mother is in me, especially when noticing how differently people "mother." I've been blessed with a multitude of awesome moms around me (aunts, cousins, relatives, and friends), and I've had the opportunity to see how much joy a mother can bring to her family when she chooses happiness and gratitude. I can't help but to compare the kind of mom I grew up with as opposed to, say, my MIL, who practices a *whole* different kind of 'love,' one of conditions, guilt, resentment, and seething, thinly veiled anger. How difficult it must be to live in a world like that. That said, I am incredibly grateful to have been born my mother's daughter. I am more committed than ever to be the kind of emotionally stable, honest, supportive mom that my mama raised me to be.
5 months ago