Stumbling Toward Enlightenment

I recently read  this article on being proactive vs reactive. It really captures how I've developed and how we have developed as a family in the age of Covid. Life in the 'before time' was reactive--we took life as it came, and were simply doing our best. The problem is, that wasn't enough. In fact, it wasn't good at all. We (hub and I) were tired, stressed, too busy, and just barely balancing it all. Post-quarantine has stripped all of that away, in some ways for the worse (probably common to many) but also for the better. Being stripped of all of the 'to-dos' and social planning left us with much to think about, with many raw emotions and ancient pains that rose to the surface in search of healing. And healing, while painful and messy, is also beautiful and brave and a worthwhile journey. So here we are, clinging to one another, grateful for one another, and regularly turning to eachother while doing dishes or some other mindless task, and saying "we...

 Those of you who tend to be caregiver types, you know what I mean. Maybe you feel that if you don't keep the world spinning, it will stop. Or if you let go for too long, it will spin out of control. For those of us who have always been the "hold down the fort" type of people, I can tell you that none of that is true. You can still be a caregiver to a loved one and take care of yourself. You can (and you must) fill your own cup before you can fill someone else's. Sometimes this means leaning on your people, and if this doesn't come naturally to you, practice. Because as the saying goes, those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. As tough as this year has been, learning how to let go and ask my tribe for help has helped me learn how to let myself be loved. If I had allowed myself this same breadth of spirit and generosity with myself while I was caring all those years for my mom and my brother, I may not have harbored so much trauma. But ...