Stumbling Toward Enlightenment

I spent some time with a friend recently, and I went away from the experience not knowing what to think. She seemed restless, tired, snarky. She made some pointed comments to me, and almost seemed to be picking a fight, which is just not like her. I'd normally have dished back, or stood my ground on some of the points she seemed to be making. But then I thought of my students, especially the ones at the school that provides behavioral and emotional support for troubled kids. I thought of the phrase that I repeat to myself so often when one of them is in a particularly bad place: " They're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time ." Something shifted in me, and I realized in that moment that my friend was overwhelmed. She was hurting. She was tired. She was still dealing with some unresolved grief, self-doubt, exhaustion from all those mom-hours. I understood her, because I had also felt this way before. In my case, I turned to the mom of one of my ...

If there is one phrase that would sum up what I've learned this year, it would be this: Bless and release. Reading over my past blog posts, I realize that I spent my 20s and 30s in a vulnerable space of fear and resentment. I was angry over being willfully misunderstood, and I was fiercely protective of my experience. Yet I couldn't speak on that experience, or share my pain, as it simply wasn't safe to do so. I very much lived in my story, and that story was the context of my life. I felt I had to explain myself to people, to tell them my story so that they could understand me. It came before me, and I never veered from it. But what a burden to carry! I've learned to consciously let go of those experiences and heal them from the present. To put down my weight and allow myself to live in a place undefined by past events or how lost I felt for so long. To let go of unhealthy attachments and see the world as a place where joy can live. I've learned something from al...

I've been doing a lot of writing lately in various forums (fora?), but I feel like I should maybe keep it all in one spot. I've also removed my blog link from all social media, so this will be my spot to write without a personal audience for the most part. Looking over my old posts from 5 years ago and remembering all those old emotions. 😥 Not reliving them, just remembering them. It's a good thing to be able to use my old writings in that way--I have friends who are in some of the places I was in those years ago, so I can so empathize with them. And that makes those experiences seem worth it if I can turn them into helping someone else. But now is time to turn a new page and see what's what, as my mom used to say! 😉